This blog I write for myself and for those who feel heard and understood, my thought goes to you as well. It is my purpose to share my journey to enlighten others while giving myself the healing in which to come from it. This blog series is an understanding perspective of the struggles and questions that surround priesthood. I share these with you to better help myself and others understand the journey of a priest.
In our last journey, we left off with the questions of one's path to how priesthood looks for an individual feeling the call. Today I write on the topic that is many times lost to those who adorn the cloak and those who gaze upon it. When it has come to my journey of sharing information it is both personal and common knowledge. It is both spoken and unspoken and sometimes translation gets lost along the way. One of the most difficult things you will face upon your journey into the priesthood is the perception versus reality. The idea of a priest/ess can be perpetuated in an illustration of concepts of what is and what isn't. Which in many times leads many astray when trying to find themselves within it. As priest/ess all of us deal with issues in our communities with engagement. Many times more often than not it is no fault to the priest/ess, but rather the call to come forward in their path. Taking the silence dedication we each take every day and place them into the eyes of the world.
As a fellow priest told me today, The journey of a priest is filled with a lot of sadness and learning to find strength in oneself to push onward. As I thought about the words we exchanged I knew that my goddess had sent him to me for guidance. Sometimes guidance is hard to find when you are stumbling in the dark to find the light. He gave me love and insight and perspective that I knew to be true along with a self-check. Its often hard to be held accountable as many times it is us that regulate our own accountability. Yet at times, the lines of perception can be blurred in the moment of emotion. As a woman, we are often called on our ability to tap into emotions that fuel the direction in which we walk. But there are times when emotion needs to take a step back and find time for a meeting with logic. While other times the emotion in which is needed overlays the logic. Its a fine balance one must find within themselves when faced with challenges. A struggle more often talked about among those who walk the path of priesthood. Yet not one that is normally the head of the discussion upon the community in full.
The wisdom I took today I do find true that we are often seen to be more well put together by some standard or another. Yet I feel transparency is possible when advised in a way that is not fueled in the moment. After a few days of clarity and some chaos within the fluctuation of emotion and logic. I came to the conclusion in which both are true and yet exist within at the same time. As priest/ess we do have a level of responsibility to be clear-minded when speaking to our communities. As many of us in the pagan community use the web to share thoughts and feelings. That lead to a collective understanding of whom is on the other end and the viewpoint of difference. A few days ago I lead with emotion that boiled to the surface fueled by repressed issues I clearly have not faced entirely. Yet the level of regret I have for speaking upon the things that I felt at the time. I cannot consciously say I would do anything different.
As someone who is so in touch with one's own emotions and ruled by the signs of water that can bring calm and storms. I would do a disservice to myself and to those around me If I repressed them. As many who know me say I need to infuse self-care and in doing so I must speak from the heart from time to time. In our communities we often get seen as a service and with any service, It is there when needed and you can come and go. But behind each service is an individual or a team of individuals working hard to make it all possible. Many times in my journey I have struggled with the question of who am I apart from my spirituality. When you dedicate so much time you find yourself lost within it and feel lost within yourself. The act of reaching out is not an easy one. So many factors come into play for things no matter what the main goal of it all is. The conversation of communication has been one I have been open about in numerous blogs. I myself hold myself accountable for the way in which I communicate and when I don't, I hold myself accountable for that.
When one works upon themselves so much to be better for themselves it's hard to not place the same upon others. Yet it goes deeper than just expectation versus the reality that one must be presented. It is a matter of respect for one another that I feel was where my emotions finally seeped into. Respect is earned and not given for some, For me, respect is given until shown a reason to disconnect. As someone who has come from a background of mental and physical abuse. Where boundaries were not respected and instead were trampled over in various parts of my life. I feel that the connection of those energies to this point of where I am is vast. We want to say we are ok when at times we are not. Stress can play a major factor in things and if I'm being honest it has in this as well. I like many others who talk about these things are not looking for pity as much as mutual respect.
In this life we each dedicate time and realistically it is the universal currency that we all pay the price for. In the start of life your time dedicated is dictated by those who are promised to guide your hand. In the start of adulthood, the time of dedication is paid in family, friends, jobs and spirituality for some. Each of us has time we dedicate to things and some dedication do not come to pass. While others run rapidly under a full moon guided by the spirits that we carry onward with us. If one does not say that they wonder if the time spent is worth the work they are lying to you and themselves. As each person's sands of time are not perpetuated by the clock of man. My goal in this life is to lead a life where I can help others and sometimes that goal requires others. I will never take the time of another to perpetuate my goal if it is not their will. But all I can ask for in return is the same be granted to me as like you I face the same challenges, the same fears, and the same self-evaluation. For those who plan to walk the path of a priest/ess know this to be true. One can only lead for so long before one must take time to be lead. For those who see those walking upon the path of dedication and priesthood remember behind the cloak we are all human.
The Devine Witch
Debbie lewis