Vulnerability is a funny thing to me. Letting down the armor of conditioning can be so freeing and scary all at the same time. I have found myself going back and forth wanting to be vulnerable while feeling as if that isn’t the way to transmute the darkness I’ve been through. Or is it? I suppose there is probably balance like there is for most things in this life.
Starting in 2018 my spiritual journey really started to take off. I had just joined my first private practice with other mental health professionals, while still working for a crisis team part time, and also started teaching a course in social work at a local university. Things were looking really good, I was excited, until I wasn’t. I quickly learned what narcissism is on a great scale within my profession, not everybody wanted to see me succeed like my boss, Angel, that at this time had passed away two years prior.I was lost in my career, my love life and even within my circle of friends I had for years. There was one constant though. I knew I wanted to help people. In the winter of 2018 I became very sick, and I sought alternative healing for the first time in my life along with traditional medicine. I was clueless when the Reiki practitioner started to describe my boss, Angel, to me and pass along messages from her. I guess I
believed in angels before, but that was the first time I started to learn about spirit guides.
That reiki session changed my life and I was ready to take my place with all the other holistic
practitioners while still offering mental health therapy. Dreams were coming true, until it started to seem more like a nightmare. Before I knew it, I was trained in Reiki and Body Talk Access. I even took a Jedi course in Human Design. With so much excitement I would tell everyone I could about the magic I was seeing. The synchronicities, the Astrology, what my human design said about me and everyone else I could do a reading on. Next thing I knew, the people that I thought were my greatest supporters turned their back on me, or at least that was how it felt.
The sadness was overwhelming. Next thing I knew I was without my two girls, no place to really live and very few friends. Confusion was all I seemed to have, except for the one thing I thought I could rely on for sure was my career. However, it didn’t take long for that illusion to crumble. Before I knew it, I was defending myself to the social work board. I so badly wanted to help people and I thought this was the only way.
For two years I fought to get my life back, little did I know I was ignoring so many signs along the way. I jumped through endless hoops to prove I was mentally sane, even though I believed in these alternative practices. I also had to defend my position on medical marijuana, and was accused of doing other drugs. Looking back I was torturing myself only to prove something to my ego, being a social worker had become my identity. My way to fit into a world that I didn’t feel like I belonged, desperate to feel human.
From 2019-2022 I did a variety of jobs until I decided to try going back into private practice. What I found was a broken mental health system that wasn’t designed for the spiritual awakening that I believe is happening in the collective. What I found was a system that reflects a broken human concept that separates mind, body and spirit. A system that must label a person with a disorder before helping them talk through an issue in their life, whether it be big or small.
I also found so many people seeking help, and in my gut, I knew I wasn’t designed to help through this broken system any longer. However, listening to that little voice wasn’t very easy. So I fought to stay in the profession until the Universe found me doing dishes at a restaurant while waiting for the next private practice office to get me on the insurance panels so I could try yet again to make it work. I was really excited due to their advertisement of offering holistic services, they even sold sage and crystals in the waiting room!! After the first day of the owner telling inappropriate sexual jokes, and subsequently the insurance companies not allowing me to come back due to the board's investigation, I decided to surrender.
While I had done a variety of jobs in my life, never before had I waitressed. In fact, I was kind of judgmental of the job. Yet, here I was stepping into freedom as a waitress. While it has only been a few months now, I feel so happy, content and just peaceful with my decision. While I still currently hold my license to practice, I have no desire to do that now.
I was put here to help people find their way in this world, and if that happens in a greasy kitchen diner right now, who am I to question that?
I wanted to share this journey to inspire others to listen to their gut and not respond to the outside pressures of this world. Realizing our power within takes time, and if we trust in ourselves, the rest will fall into place. Thank you for listening.
The Devine Witch
Megan Dixon
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